Alright alright alright alright yeah turn up the mic cus it’s about to get tight rappin old school like the religious right I’m a pharisee, wannabe a thousan years too early abraham, modern man y’all don deserve me Straight outta Ur faster than Ben hur Back in time like it’s 2009 oh never mind I mean like BC time Time machine drive, looks like i’ve arrived Yeah a Long time ago in Arabian Soil Livin in tents all sweat and toil Bakin bread all day under the blazin sun Ya it ain’t for the faint o heart where i come from Chorus: Ooh Abraham You Da Man! Ooh Abraham You da man! Slappin thick beats like hummus on manna lyric inspiration from the whole biblical canon Came through a time warp, don’t know why Now i’m in the neighborhood, commercial drive Avoidin hard drugs caus i don wanna get stoned Levitical law ain’t a joke it’s a tome All out of order like a geneaology More backwards than my family tree Oooh Abrahammmmm! (Son of Terah) Outro: Straight Outta Ur Ooh Abraham You Da Man! Ooh Abraham You da man!

(yes) Strangers, danger, people in the desert Three men, count them, walking through the red dirt Come in, my tent, let me get some water Got lots of nice food, up in the larder (yes) Sarah, heya, girl, hup to We got some heavenly hostin to do Take 36 pounds of the choicest flour Bake some bread in half an hour Me, I’ll go get a side of beef Some butter and milk cause they look hungry! Snackin and feastin under a tree Man i’m the host of the century! Holy ghost, heavenly host! It ain’t no joke, When i’m your host! Angels, or, the most high God It was a little unclear and a little bit odd As we sat there munchin, under a tree One of them turned and said to me: “Hey father abraham, where’s yo lady this time next year she’ll have a baby" I started laughin, sarah laughed too And God said "Stop it i’m tellin the truth" Ooh holy ghost, heavenly host! It ain’t no joke, when i’m your host! Snackin and feastin under a tree Man i’m the host of the century!

Ohhh, Patriarch, Patriarch, I'm like a king! Abraham, I'm the man, Kiss this ring! (Hey girl) Water my camels, Wash my sandals You'll be safe here under my mantel  Ladies, don't be alarmed I'm a good guy Sit back, relax and our families will multiply God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob We're all patriarchs, the first old boys club!

So they say fatha abraham had many sons but i remember back when i had jus one Isaac, ooh what a surprise! Me and sarah like the fourth of july! (BOOM!) Fireworks, magic, old folks, rabbits Trust in God who knows what can happen! Gettin kinda hot in the desert sun And before we knew it she gave birth to a son! (interlude) Ooh isaac, Ooh Isaac, so sick One day God said, “Get your son” I’m takin y’all hikin up a mountain Gonna be a test gonna see who you trust Put isaac on an altar and tie him up Isaac said, “hey come on dad” your a hundred years old and your brain is bad What about the promise, that God made? There’s no turning back from the cold hard blade! (interlude) Ooh isaac, so sick I said "hey come on, I don’t know either I’m just tryna prove that i’m a believer If it means that you gotta go up in smoke Then I guess that’s just the way it goes" I was just stalling, looking for kindling But then God said, “haha, just kidding!” So I WAS gonna sacrifice him, but then i never did and that’s my experience, takin care of kids!

Chariots made of iron  Chariots made of gold Chariots with sick spinners Big as a millstone 
 Chariots with long axles Chariots with big horses Chariots that be riding  With the heavenly forces (Lord of hosts!)
 Chariots in the desert Chariots on the street Chariots In ma camp Churning sand up on my feet (Wilderness!) Chariots off to battle with the Amalekites, Amorites, Midianites, all wanna pick a fight Everyone in the world want to ride in my chariots Seats so soft like a bed at the Marriott Even king melchizedek gave me the sign Ain’t nobody chariots as fine as mine Even king melchizedek gave me the sign Nobody's chariots as nice as mine Everybody wanna ride in my chariot! (x3) Everybody wanna ride Even King Melchizedek gave me the sign Ain't nobody's chariots as fine as mine Oh my chariots such a sick ride!

Everyone remembers my wife Sarah But y'all forget my other wife Keturah She smelled nice like Arabian incense  She wasn’t my sister thus avoiding incest We had a lotta children, so many sons But I sent em all away to the East for fun Life is tough livin' out in tents So you gotta kick em out if they don pay the rent!
 Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak, and Shuah was the names of some of them Jokshan begat, Sheba and Dedan Dedan begat Asshurim, Letshim, Leummim. Midian's sons were Ephah, Epher, Eldaah.  And all these were the children of Keturah! All these were the children of Keturah (x3) And also, Abraham... Now let’s back it up Genealogy from the back to the front It all started when I was a younger guy, 86 years old, still but hip and spry! Now Hagar was my first baby mama Me and her kicked off the family drama Her and Sarah started tradin' burns, Hagar ran away, but then she returned And while she was gone, an angel said “Got some news for you both good and bad God heard your cry, that desert wail You’re gonna have a son, gonna name him Ishmael But he will be a wild ass of a man, and everybody’s hands will be against him!” (x2) But now it’s time for the main event Lemme tell ya bout the children of the covenant God said one day, “Hey don’t be afraid gonna bless ya like it’s yo birthday!” So I chopped up some cattle and fell asleep Woke up to a real bizarro scene Smokin' firepot and a torch that’s blazin Man this vision was so amazin'! God said “Abe! Here have my blessing now you just gotta do this one little thing…” (Selah) So sharpen my knife and prepare the sitz bath, How many kids did you say I’d have? Count up the sand and the stars in the sky Now everybody’s lining up to get circumcised! Slice and dice yeah it don’t feel nice (get some ice!) But covenants come at a high price Take a few days of recuperation Now I’m ready for some more procreation! So y’all know the story about me and Sarah, Isaac grew up then he met Rebekah Esau fightin' Jacob like a hairy brute Gave Jacob his blessing for a bit of stew (Yum!) Then Jacob married Rachel or he thought he did Turns out it was Leah but her face was hid (whoops!) So he married ‘em both, in true patriarch fashion Soon Zil and Bil gettin in on the action Jacob, Israel, so many sons That’s why they call me Father abraham! Reuben, Gad, Asher, Simeon, Issachar, Levi, Judah, Zebulun Naphtali, Dan, Joseph, Benjamin And Joseph split into Manasseh and Ephraim! Come on Dina, sing that song! This genealogy just goes on and on! (Ooh Abraham! Ooh Abraham! Ooh Abraham! Ooh Abraham! Father Abraham!) Saul, David, and Solomon were kings Got beggars and prophets in my offspring Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hippies So many kin now sing it with me! Donald Trump and Barack Obama J.Trudeau and the Dalai Lama East to the West, ya I’m da best More fecund than a spider nest From deep in the Bronx to the Tenderloin everybody sprung from Abraham’s loins! So lift your hands and smack em with me If ya know Abraham’s yo daddy! Ooh Abraham!